“That first book didn’t break me.
The second came very close.”
Children’s author Inky Willis tells how parenting while writing taught her to pace herself.
‘Children’s author’ and ‘parent’ seem like two complimentary hats don’t they? Or maybe not. Maybe nothing’s easy anymore once kids are on the scene, but you’d think a creative ‘child related’ pursuit might be easier to mesh with parenting than, say, bank managing.
I’ve never been a bank manager. And props to bank manager-parents; I bet finding/ balancing childcare is a right old pain in the backside. But there’s something to be said for jobs that are definitely jobs. Jobs where there’s a clear line drawn between working hours and family time.
My first picture book deal came through (a double deal – yay!) when I was five months pregnant with my first child. I’m illustrator as well as author, and I remember trying to squeeze my bump against my drawing desk thinking maybe that was as awkward as it would get.
Nope.
That first book didn’t break me.
The second came very close.
My beautiful newborn baby and newfound centre-of-my-existence was not a sleeper. He was a colicy, tongue-tied, clingy ball of discomfort. And squeezing bumps against desks was an overblown nothing of the past. The new squeeze wasn’t a space squeeze, it was a time squeeze. (So much harder!)
Looking back, it was so clearly a dark time in multiple ways. We’d left our London life and friendships behind, moving in with my parents for ‘a while’ (five years!); my husband’s mum died less than two months after the move, so he was grieving, needing support; I had recurring mastitis; I was sleep-deprived and, understandably now I think about it, my post-natal anxiety was pretty extreme.
Suddenly the two-book deal, which had seemed like such a win, was a nightmarish challenge.
I wish I could say that I rationally explained the situation to my publisher and asked for a deadline extension. (Please, authors, do this! It’s not unreasonable to ask!!) But I was worried about getting a bad name for myself; “Oh, her? No, she can’t handle the pressure.”
Anyway, long story short, I got the job done, though don’t ask me how. I’m proud of it. Though not so proud of my inability to speak up for what I needed.
What followed was a period of much needed reflection. Did I really want a job that pushed me so hard that I wouldn’t have time for my family?
And no, I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be a substandard parent. I also didn’t want to make substandard books.
But, at the same time, I’m not sure I had it in me to quit story-making. Because, as much as writing and illustrating had the potential to sap energy, it also – sometimes – gave energy. Because the excitement of finding a new story idea, or a new illustration style, is like an internal fireworks display.
So the answer wasn’t to quit (or even to take a break). The answer, predictably, was to pace myself; to allow myself time to develop story ideas, accepting that this ‘time’ might be spread over hundreds of my baby’s nap-times.
Fast-forward to now, I’m so pleased I kept on keeping on.
I’m about to see the publication of my second Scribble Witch book, Magical Muddles. And I feel like I’ve really found both my style and genre. Funny chapter books are where my heart absolutely soars. And I think (at least, I hope) that the fun I have creating these stories is evident in the writing.
So – yeah – here’s to sticking to goals. But here’s also to knowing when to ask for time. Because being at the beginning of your writing career doesn’t make you any less worthy!
‘Scribble Witch: Magical Muddles’ is published by Hachette Children’s Books, August 6th, 2020.
Inky Willis, AKA Kate Willis-Crowley, is a children’s author and illustrator, living on the Kent coast. She studied Illustration at the Royal College of Art where she soon realised she wanted to play with words as well as pictures. She is currently having loads of fun working on her quirky new 6+ series, Scribble Witch.
How to be Unstoppable: Kate Willis-Crowley on the near-breaking point of new born plus book deal.