“I thought a few rejections of a first draft of a novel meant I wasn’t good enough to be a writer.”
Nikki Smith tells how a chance Facebook message reunited her with her passion and led to her debut novel All In Her Head.
A few years after I left University, I wrote a novel, tried to get it published and failed. Up until then I’d been passionate about thinking up stories and writing them down, but the rejection of something that I’d poured my heart into dissolved my self-confidence more effectively than acid, and I gave up. I didn’t know anyone in the publishing industry, I thought a few rejections of a first draft of a novel meant I wasn’t good enough to be a writer and I persuaded myself it was ridiculous to even contemplate the idea.
I gave up my dream, pursued a career in finance and had two children. I still wrote, every now again, but nothing that I showed anyone. Several years later, I was contacted on Facebook by someone I was at school with, whom I hadn’t seen for twenty years. She asked me if I’d ever done anything with my writing as she still remembered the stories I’d read out in class. It was a now or never moment. I searched online for creative writing courses and signed up for one with Curtis Brown. I loved it – so much so, that I signed up for another and on it wrote the first (very bad!) draft of what eventually became my debut novel; All In Her Head.
I have learned so much over the past couple of years. I have learned that novels (as much as I’d like them to!) do not flow straight onto the page and then out to readers. That they require many, many drafts and often a whole team of people to help edit and proof read them before they ever get ‘seen.’ I have learned that writing 1000 words can take an hour, or it can take eight. And that for me, I need to show up, sit on my chair, and keep going until it’s done. I have learned that every author I have met or spoken to experiences self-doubt – we all worry we won’t have another idea, that our writing is rubbish. Working in a job where hour after hour is spent alone in front of a computer only serves to magnify this.
The best way I have found to deal with this is to get to know other authors. They understand what you’re going through and can lift you up when times are tricky. I was lucky enough to get a mentor in the lovely Amanda Reynolds who has become a trusted friend, and I have a whatsapp group with three other authors (Zoe Lea, Lauren North and Laura Pearson) who I first ‘met’ on twitter, then later in person, and now cannot imagine not having them in my life.
I have also learned the importance of resilience – that if you want something badly enough, you should keep trying, and not give up at the first, or fiftieth hurdle. We often only see the successes, but it is important to acknowledge the failures too – and that these are just part of the process.
Nikki Smith studied English Literature at Birmingham University, before pursuing a career in finance. Following a ‘now or never’ moment, she applied for a Curtis Brown Creative course where she started writing this book. She lives near Guildford with her husband, two daughters and a cat who thinks she’s a dog. All In Her Head is her first novel and is out now. It has been optioned by Palma Pictures.
Find Nikki at nikkismithauthor.com, on Twitter @mrssmithmunday, Instagram nikkismith_author and Facebook @nikkismithauthor
Need some help starting, sticking with or finishing a writing project? Pick up the writer’s guide Seven Creative Gremlins and learn how to get past your writing blocks to claim your creative life!
How to become Unstoppable: author Nikki Smith