| As someone who used their wedding fund to write their first novel, on Valentine’s Day my thoughts naturally drift from diamonds and roses to one of the most important and enduring relationships in our lives – the one we have with our creativity. I don’t think we always realise that we HAVE a relationship with our creativity, which means that we might not then notice if it slips into dysfunction. We might, for instance, start off a writing project with stars in our eyes, a pounding heart, convinced this is THE ONE. But when the WIP starts showing its true self, when we get to the difficult middle, when it won’t do what we want it to, when it is not the perfect version of the novel that we had imagined it would be all those months back…well, things can get ugly. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your idea or your novel, necessarily. What it might mean is that you have unrealistic expectations. That you went in thinking that this novel had the power to utterly change your life. And then you found out if was flawed, just like all the rest. (This same process can play out with agents, with book deals, with writing careers, with just about any stage of the process, if the dysfunctional relationship isn’t fixed) I am not saying it is easy. It’s really not. (Let’s face it, we have all, at one time or another, metaphorically flung ourself at the feet of our creativity bawling, “But you PROMISED me!!!” but I think we can all also agree that this did not enhance our writing or our progress one jot.) The truth is that just as no other person can complete you, no novel or publishing career is going to magically wipe out all the things that make you feel incomplete, filling your life with sunshine and sparkles. Yes, the writing will feel ‘right’. Yes, you should feel a sense of purpose. Yes there will be joy, lots of it. And it is important, too, to have great hopes for our work. But we must be careful not to get too starry eyed and delusional about it all. Because this is real life. It will involve some effort and some personal growth along the way. It will involve some discomfort and disappointment. And – newsflash – despite your best control freak efforts, you are not in charge of everything that happens. (I know, right? How much does that suck?) You are only in charge of what you do, and the attitude you bring to those actions. When it comes to creativity, we get so much more from our lives when we are not solely focussed on what our creativity can do for us, but appreciate the process of making art. Because the thing is, if you are thinking of your creativity as something that exists to serve you and meet your needs – getting you an agent or book deal, getting more status, more money, or a feeling of being worthy, then you are missing the two way street that is a creative relationship. Your creativity doesn’t exist to fulfil your every desire, any more than a partner would. It exists to work with you to co-create magical worlds that didn’t previously exist, and now do. So, this Valentine’s day, if you feel stuck and resentful about what your writing isn’t doing for you, try flipping it around. How can you woo your creativity? How can you show it that you appreciate being blessed with a talent and a passion for writing? How can you make it feel seen and understood? How can you let your creativity know that you love and appreciate it, not for what it can do for you, but simply because of its unique and loveable self? This Feb 14th, may your creative relationship be a harmonious one. And of you do find some ways to appreciate your creativity, let me know how it goes by replying to this email. Stay Unstoppable you lovely lot, Nicola |
| Want some astute and funny writing on romance? Check out my duology The Gods of Love and The Love Delusion. |
How to fall back in love with your creativity